I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
