once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
