The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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