I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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