i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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