She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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