dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
