I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
