Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
