I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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