life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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