i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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