Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
