it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
