I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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