I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
