I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
