ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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