these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My feet surprised me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
