do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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