I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize