at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they're like a gay fantastic four
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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