You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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