you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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