it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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