Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
