You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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