Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
