Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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