It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So vagazzling was a success
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize