Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
