i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
