I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
