There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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