I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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