he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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