I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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