I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
