Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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