I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize