Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
