my mouth tastes like poor choices
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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