Cold hands, warm shart.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
