Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
