My liver just broke up with me...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
