I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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