my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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