Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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