WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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