i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
only you would photoshop your dick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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