trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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