i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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