I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The air taste purple.
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