Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
