WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
