moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
