I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
