Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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