we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
