Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I supernannyed him into submission
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
