I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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