Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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