I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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