And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
