One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
