8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
