Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
