STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
